Dear Violet,

I feel like it was yesterday that you were born, yet I also feel like I've known you forever.  We celebrated your first birthday 2 weekends ago.  We had a beautiful party at Nana's house with all your friends and good food, and 2 pools set up outside for you to play in... I'd say it was a pretty perfect birthday... for both of us!

I'm so glad you were born on my birthday.  When I was pregnant with you, I thought about how your due date was the week after my birthday, and I was hoping you'd be born on a different day.  Yet the more I got to know you in my belly and the closer it came to meeting you, I thought about how wonderful it would be to celebrate our birthdays together.  Getting mani/pedi's together, then brunch, then shopping... oh, I can't wait!  I was hanging out in Conway with Nana and Papa the day before you were born, and  I had been having contractions fairly regularly, but pretty far apart.  Nana and I went on a brisk walk to try to start something, and then we went to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner (I had a salad bar, and ate a LOT of salad).  I remember my contractions were starting to get further and further apart at that point, so I thought it was just a tease.  Our dinner conversation was about you, and how cool it would be if you decided to come out on my birthday, the next day.  My mom wanted to come stay the night with us, just in case.  I didn't want to overreact, so I assured her that nothing was going to happen, but I'd keep her updated.

Your dad was at Uncle Dan's house, and I remember telling him on the way home from Conway that I was having regular contractions (but far apart), and he didn't seem too concerned.  I came home and cleaned the house pretty strenuously (yes, on purpose), and then walked up and down and up and down and up and down the driveway about 98 times, with the dogs in single file behind me.  It was pretty funny.  I was trying everything!  Pregnancy wasn't the best time of my life!  The contractions had gotten pretty far apart, so I was convinced you had just teased me, and went to bed, around midnight.  Your dad came home around then, and I told him that it was a close call, and we went to sleep.

I woke up around 2:30 to go to the bathroom, and went I sat down, something happened that was NOT what I was expecting... my water broke!  I was half asleep and not expecting that, so I was a little in shock.  I went back to bed and just sat there, staring at the wall, wondering what had just happened.  A few minutes later, I got back up, and realized again that yes, my water was DEFINITELY breaking.  I decided it was time to wake your dad up.  I shook his shoulder and said, "um, my water just broke," with a huge smile on my face.  He said groggily, "Are you serious?  At 2:30 in the morning??"  He was hoping you'd decide to start your journey a little closer to daytime!  I called the hospital and they said to wake up and shower or do what I need to do, just to try to be there within the hour (we live about 15 minutes from the hospital).  So I got in the shower first, still in shock and starting to get nervous and scared and excited, and then your dad got in the shower.  I posted a Facebook status about how we were on our way to the hospital, because it was the easiest way to spread the word!  We headed to the hospital, and called my mom on the way.  She got there really soon after that, she was so excited!

I don't remember every little tiny detail about the delivery, but I blogged about it on my last blog, so here is the story...

This past year has gone by so fast.  It's nothing short of MINDBLOWING how fast you've grown and learned so many things.  You're breathtakingly gorgeous, and get more beautiful everyday.  I love spending time with you.  I feel too lucky to have my photography job that lets me make my own schedule, and to have your dad that works SO HARD to make sure I can be there for you everyday.  I can't imagine having someone else spending the day with you.  Sometimes you drive me absolutely CRAZY when you get whiny and restless, but I still understand and empathize with you at the same time- it's hard to be so little and not be able to communicate what you want, and especially now with the temperatures being upwards of 110 degrees, we're getting a little stir-crazy inside all day, to say the least!

Words I'd use to describe you right now: smart, silly, happy, fearless, coy-but-not-shy, laid back, OUTDOOR LOVER, smiley, snuggly, patient, and beautiful.

Here are some photos from your birthday party.  You had such a great time with your friends, Lilly, Marley, Kepler, Addie and River.


Your Mimi bought you this perfect birthday outfit and headband.  It was so cute on you!

Here we are:

Playing in your new tunnel with Lilly:

Sharing your barbie doll with Fisher.

Starting out opening presents with daddy:

then got a little overwhelmed and needed your mommy...

You made this face the entire duration of your birthday song and the candle blow outs.  It was pretty hilarious.  You didn't know why everyone was singing to you all at the same time!  You eventually thought it was a good thing...

Yum!!

Here is my new favorite family picture of us.  I'm so lucky to have you two to spend my life with every day!

Then it was pool time...

You interrupted your dad and papa and uncle Ryan throwing the football around because you wanted to run around carrying it.  You LOVED that football!  So funny...

People say that there has to be bad to appreciate the good, but I don't believe that.  I'm not saying that nothing bad has ever happened to me, but relatively speaking, I've had it pretty easy my whole life, yet I can honestly say that I don't EVER take you for granted.  Every hug I get from you is soaked in and appreciated.  You're the best thing that's ever happened to your dad and me, and we feel so incredibly lucky and special to be the ones to have the honor to raise you.  I love you so much.  Happy first birthday, sweetheart.  Happy Birthday...

Love,
Mom

Dear Violet,

You are so smart.  I know parents always say that about their kids, but seriously, you are smart.  You're doing so incredibly well in your crib now.  That first night was hard, but I'm so glad we decided to do it.  None of us knew that you were actually craving an earlier bedtime, by yourself.  You cried less and less each night, and by the 4th or 5th night, you didn't cry at ALL.  We have a very clear routine that gets your head ready for bed, and as soon as we pass the threshold of your bedroom, your head falls to my shoulder to hear me sing you your bedtime song (either "Amazing Grace," "Everything's Gonna be Alright," "You are my Sunshine," or "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star") and then I give you a kiss, whisper "Night night, I love you." and lay you down.  You either stay on your back and calmly watch me leave the room, then just close your eyes, or you turn over, scooting your legs in under your belly, poking your cute little butt up in the air, and close your eyes.  I was SOOO impressed that you stopped nursing at night starting that VERY first night.  I was so sure you would wake up absolutely starving in the middle of the night.  On the contrary, you woke up at 1am and 5am, cried about 10 minutes and went back to sleep, and then after a while you'd just wake up at 5am, and now you're sleeping until 6am.  That has been a change for me.  You've gotten into a different routine where you are ready for bed around 7pm, and wake up at 6am, rather than an 8pm bedtime and 8am rise.  I definitely want you to make your own schedule, so as long as it's predictable, I'm okay with it.  Your naps are still trying to get into a rhythm with your new sleep cycle though.  You want to go back to sleep for 30-45 minutes at 9am or so, and it's so hard to try to keep you awake long enough to make it an actual "nap." Those days you're not tired again until 2:30 or so, which is too late for a 1st nap and too early for a 2nd nap, so it ends up being the only nap.  Sometimes I wonder if you're getting enough sleep during the day.  I also sometimes wonder if I'm overthinking every tiny part of your sleep cycle.  :)

You're still growing and changing at the speed of light.  Here are some things you've learned/picked up lately:

*You can climb off the couch backwards when you want off, and you try to get off the bed the same way, but it's too high off the ground.  You still definitely have to be watched though, because you aren't yet completely aware of the fact that not paying attention causes you to fall off!  You're such a tough girl, though.  The other morning you fell off the bed onto the wood floor, and you didn't so much as make a face!  Just got up and kept playing!

*You can identify belly buttons.  :)  I especially love this new trick.  You always have your hand(s) stuck in your belly button when you walk around, and when you nurse you have your hand stuck in my belly button.  We were at RiverMarket Park today with Lilly and some other kids, and I asked you where her belly button was (I noticed you were eyeing it), and you showed us where it was!  I'm starting to work with you on identifying parts of our face, but so far, you're just concerned with the belly button.

In your princess pool at home, hand in belly button:

*You actually mind me when I tell you "no no" about 50% of the time, which is a very impressive feat for someone that could totally still pull off the "I'm not even 1 yet, I don't know what that means" trick...  When you reach for cords or try to open the trash can, I put on the best serious face I can and say "No no!" and you stop, take a few steps back, and then start fake crying, all the while staring at me.  It is absolutely hilarious.  You've only done it a few times, but I get such a kick out of it!

*You are obsessed with water, which I'm proud of, because I'm a waterbug too.  You cry and cry until I pull you into the shower with me every morning, you look forward to your night time bath (when I ask you if you want to take a bath, you go in the bathroom and won't leave until you get your bath), and you have SO MUCH FUN swimming.  We went to Mimi's last weekend and swam in Amanda's pool, and you probably giggled and/or smiled the entire time we were there.  They had a baby pool with a fountain that you could stand up in, and you would NOT let me hold your hand, even though every 8 steps you'd fall in.  I love how independent and strong willed you are.  I know it's going to be frustrating to be your parent sometimes because of this, but I admire it, and am grateful to have such a strong little female.  :)


Those are the things I can think of off the top of my head.

OH!  I need to tell you about your "ear piercing" experience.  You don't remember it, do you?  Good!  Because I'll never forget it.  Looking back, it wasn't such a big deal, but it wasn't fun.  When you get your shots at the doctor, I feel bad, but I know it's best for you so I can overcome the guilt.  Well, with ear piercing, it's only superficial, so I felt SO much guilt as you cried.  You didn't cry for a really long time, but you did cry, and you did have that awfully pitiful "why did you do that?!" face.  Your dad was with me, and it was a bad, bad idea to talk him into coming with us.  I had no idea he'd be so hurt seeing you upset like that.  He was mad at me all afternoon!  Ugh, it was definitely a guilt ridden day.  Are you glad you have them pierced?  I hope so.  I was just assuming you'd want them one day and it'd be good to get it out of the way when you won't remember it.  You do look adorable in your little purple earrings, but if you get a little sister someday, she's going to have to decide on her own time when she needs her ears pierced...

Your birthday is on Friday!  Well, our birthday is on Friday.  I can't believe it's come so fast.  I see now why some people can't stop seeing their children as their babies, because even though you are so different now, it still seems like you're my little newborn I just brought home from the hospital!  I look back on pictures and you literally change every week.  It's been so fun to watch you grow, and you just get more and more beautiful every time I look at you!

Now for the photos:

Here are my favorites from your 'official' one year portraits:

Here you are playing with your cousins at Mimi's house:

 Here we are playing in Amanda's pool:

Here you are with Lilly from our playdate yesterday.  You two were so cute with each other!  You kept holding hands!

Here you are playing with Lilly and Anabel at the fountain park in RiverMarket:

I try every day to get some good one-on-one time with you, with no distractions.  It's usually wrestling and tickling on our bed.  This is one of those times:

Then you started trying to walk off the bed, so I had to keep telling you "no" and holding you back.  This is the face you kept making over and over.  You have such a cute little pout!

With the expressive faces you make now, I can't wait to hear all the hilarious things that are bound to come out of your mouth!

I love you,
Mom

Dear Violet,

I hope when you're old enough to read this, you've forgotten the torture you went through tonight.  Your dad and I have decided to implement the "Ferber Method" with you, because it's "just time."  We tried it last week, but I didn't follow through.  I brought you in the bed when you woke up halfway through the night.  I regret not following through, because that just means that all that crying and sadness you felt was for nothing.  I'm so sorry!  

The past week or so you've been acting different- you're usually a perfect little angel pie 99% of the day.  These days you're getting more whiny and more clingy, and you're starting to want to nurse more... this is all backwards!!  I'm going to wean you from breastfeeding right after you turn 1, and that's in a month!  You need to be going the other direction, little missy!  You've had an ear infection, so I was babying you because of that, and I don't know if you're still trying to get rid of it or if you've just decided that you need to be babied more...  this "parenting" mumbo jumbo is really hard!  I already overanalyze everything, and this is just the beginning.  I'm in for a LONG road ahead!  Writing this is helping though, because I'm realizing that while my mind is racing, wondering what to do about this little thing and that little thing, that by the time you read this, it won't have mattered either way.  Although all those little things are what is going to make you the person you're going to be!  Argh... now I want my mommy....  

Tonight you cried for just under an hour before you finally gave in and fell asleep.  Your dad let me go running for the first half hour, so I wouldn't give up and go "save" you.  I thought it would help, and it did while I was running, but then as soon as I walked in the door and heard your desperate, breathless shrills, I felt so guilty for leaving!  It was very, very hard....  and it's only 10:00... you've only been asleep for an hour, so the night has just begun.  I'm hoping it'll be easier than I'm afraid it will be, but we'll see.  I'm embarrassed to report that you're still waking up about 3 or 4 times every night to nurse, which is not average!  You should definitely be sleeping through the night at this point, and you're not.  I think you've only woken up once a handful of times, and you've still yet to actually sleep for more than 6 hours at a time.  Sleeping in your crib will help that, because I won't be so convenient for you.  Good, deep sleep is good for your cognitive development, and I just keep having to remind myself that.  It's also going to help your mood during the day.  Maybe you're acting out lately because you're not getting the sleep you need.  Hell, maybe I'm stressing out because I'm not getting the sleep I need!!  I read in my "googling" last night that parenting shouldn't be about total self sacrifice, because that's not what your child needs, and it's true.  I can't be 100% engaged as a mother for you if I'm sleep deprived.  I did realize that with my health- I know now that I need regular, pretty intense exercise to keep my stress level down, and even though it's hard to find time to work out, it's a priority I have to have in order to be a good mother to you.  When I go several days without working out, I definitely notice a difference in regards to my patience with you and your dad.  I just need to realize now that sleep is another thing that I need!

In other news, you're a WALKER now!!  I'm so proud for you.  I love witnessing all your accomplishments.  The other week you started walking "non-coaxed," and then this past week and a half or so, you've just steadily gone from crawling mostly, to now walking almost exclusively.  It is the most ADORABLE thing ever to watch your little legs work.  You just see the synapses in your brain firing and the message being sent from your little brain to your little chunky legs, because there is some FOCUS in that face of yours!  Your little legs move like robots, too.  Clumsy, adorable, chunky robots...           

Please forgive me for making you "cry it out."  I promise I'm trying to do the best thing for YOU, not the convenient thing for me.  This is a good test to see how I well I'll be able to stick with doing something that you may not like or understand, but that I know (or feel) is the best thing for you at the time.  One of the things that I've always whispered in your ear when you cry is "Mommy's got you."  I kept whispering that in your ear tonight too, when I'd check on you every 10 minutes.  I've always "got you" when you need me.  I may not pick you up and take you in my bed like you want, but I'm right outside the door, crying right along with you, with the confidence that we'll both get through it, and we'll both be better for it.

To end, here are a couple photos:

Here is your sweet, sweet, sweet face after your bath today.  You love bathtime, and you love being wrapped tight in a warm dry towel just as much! 

And here is your cute little "necked baby" self, complete with you standing up on our headboard, talking to yourself, and your hand stuck in your belly button (you're pretty interested in that mysterious thing).  I love this shot.  It's SOOOO "you." 

Love,

Mom

Dear Violet,

Well, you have your first ear infection.  You've been tugging at your right ear for a few days and you caught a fever last night, so I took you to the doc today and sure enough: infected.  Poor girl.  You've been fussy, but not "rotten fussy," more like "sleepy fussy."  I had to hold you down in the exam room so the doc could get out a wax "plug" in that ear, too, and you did NOT like it.  Man oh man, I didn't either.  I felt awful seeing you like that!  We now have antibiotics, so hopefully in the next couple days it'll get better.  We caught it pretty early so it's not bad, which makes me feel better.  You always get really clingy when you're not feeling well, and this is no exception.  I had to make a palate with my comforter in the living room for your nap today because although you were EXHAUSTED from the doc's office experience, you kept waking up when I'd put you in your crib.  I just suck it up and try to multitask, because I think that you should get all the loving and cuddles your heart can handle when you're sick.  This morning I just caught up on my DVR'd episodes while you slept on my chest.  I had a long list of things to accomplish, but comforting my sick baby quickly made it to the top of that list!

You're getting a lot better at walking.  I've lately been catching you walking by yourself more and more, without being "coaxed" from person to person.  You're starting to realize that you're getting better at it, and I love that look in your face that just says "I can do it, I can do it."  Such determination- you get that from your dad.

You had your first swimming experience this week!  That was special for me, because I'm a waterbug- I LOVE swimming.  What was even more special was the location in which it happened.  It was at Shelby and Adrian's pool, where I spent summer after summer as a kid with my brother and sisters.  They had blackberry bushes covering the corner of their back yard, and we'd take turns jumping out of the pool, picking 2 armfuls of berries, jumping back in the pool to wash them off, and we'd all eat them while we swam.  The water was probably purple by the end of the summer!  I have such great memories there of playing "alligator," and a made up game of holding onto each side of the diving board with my siblings, trying to kick each other's arms off the board.  We'd have breath-holding contests and races from one end of the pool to the other.  Summertime is the best!  You made me so proud- you LOVED the water, and even dunked your head all the way under the water the second day!  I was so nervous, but daddy and nana swore you'd do fine, and you did.  We went late in the afternoon so by the time we jumped out to dry off for the last time before we left, the light had warmed up from the sun starting to set.  Shelby has a beautiful back deck and yard, and you were sitting so calmly and contently in front of some lillies, and I couldn't help but have a little photo session.  Your big ol' sweet belly was just delectable in your little bathing suit.  It wasn't my first choice for bathing suit, but I was in a hurry when I got it.  It's cute enough, though, and I actually like you in blue because it matches your eyes.  Your eyes matched the bright aqua blue pool, and I couldn't help but think about how I have the most gorgeous little girl to ever grace the earth.  I think I see a little green coming out just around your pupils, so I think you may have blue-green eyes.  Such a beautiful combination with those pouty lips!

Here are pictures from the pool:

  Here's your pucker face!  I love it.

And here's your beautiful round belly in all its glory...

Here's a face you make that reminds me of Allison:

and here you are just babbling away.  I think you look like me here:

  Oh how I wish wish wish I hadn't moved my camera as I took this.  I almost missed this moment, so I'll take it, even if it's blurry.  This is a BEAUTIFUL moment.  It's rare to catch your daddy in a genuine moment on camera, and this is lovely.  He's so handsome, and you're just breathtaking.

And here we are.  You were in such a relaxed mood.  Being tired from the water, having the sun on your face, and there was a slight breeze, it was all just enough to make us relaxed and content.

I know I've known you for over 10 months now, but I just can't look at your face without feeling absolutely blown away.

I'll Love You Forever,
Mom

Dear Violet,

This is the hilarious pucker-face I was trying to describe in my last post.  This means that you're either not done chewing on your previous bite, or you don't want any more food.  Today you've started to incorporate shaking your head  "No" while making this face.  I didn't think I shook my head when I told you "No," but maybe you learned it from that?  Or maybe it's just a coincidence.  Nah, you're just a genius....

(By the way, I had to be quick with the camera, so they're not the best photos, but you get the idea...)

Now you're smiling again- you were in a great mood!  This was your first "prune" experience.  You liked them!

The tail end of your side-tongue grin.

You were talking so fast!  I wish I knew what you were saying, because it seemed pretty important!

Dear Violet,

Oh, you're in the middle of such a fun, tiring stage!  You're soaking everything up like a sponge, and you love to learn new things.  You can see the concentrated look on your face when someone is trying to teach you a new word or concept.  You're such a smart little person.

You aren't 10 months old yet, but you're about a step away from just walking all over the house without any care.  You've taken several steps at a time- probably up to about 7, and it started when you were 9 months and 3 days old.  Until yesterday it was just from person to person, with coaxing and some kind of incentive to get you to walk, but you were playing with some old Nintendo controllers that uncle Ryan donated to your chew-toy collection (ha!), and you just decided to up and stand right up on your own, from sitting!  Yay Violet!  We were at Nana's house and we were all so proud of you, just giggling and clapping and so happy for you!  Then not an hour later, I set you down on your feet from being in my arms, and instead of the usual "plop" on your butt you do, you just started walking off!  I was just beside myself with excitement for you.  I've been working with you all day today with walking around the house holding just one of your hands, so you can work on your balance.  You're doing so well.

Your new favorite game is "chase."  I say "I'm gonna get you!  You can't stop me!  Here I come to TICKLE TICKLE TICKLE!" and you just crawl your little one-legged scoot about 90 miles an hour giggling as loud as you can, and when I "get" you, you just splat your body on the floor and shout with laughter.  I can't get enough of it!  My jaw hurts from smiling so wide after that game.  I love love love it!

We surprised Mimi for mothers' day by driving down to Dallas to visit her, and you (as always) did amazingly well in the car.  It was such a nice, relaxing trip, and you had a lot of fun with Mimi, Pawpaw, Amanda, and Kepler.  I wish Mimi was closer so you could see her more often.  You sure love spending time with her!  You look so much like her- so beautiful!

Because the weather's been nice out (and dogs shed like crazy), we've been having the dogs as "outside dogs" for a while.  It started just when you started being COMPLETELY interested in them.  Well, after Emma's "escaped" from us 3 times in the last 3 weeks, we've been having them stay inside more often (I think she's just a BIT jealous of you...), and you're IN LOVE with them.  Speckles does pretty well about running off at your approach, but Emma thinks she has to let you claw all over her.  (Poor dog!)  It's no wonder she's been running off every chance she gets!  You love her so much, and I love to watch you interact with her.  You're not scared of any dog you meet!  Nana's 110 lb. Hagrid doesn't scare you a bit!  In fact he's a little terrified of YOU!  Ha!

Cute little things you do right now include:
*Grinning with your tongue sticking out of the side of your mouth

*Growling like T-Rex (or Donald Duck or a possessed zombie) while playing and talking- everyone gets a GOOD kick out of that!
*Waving like a "Miss America meets interpretative dancer " by twisting and waving your arm around in circles.  It's HILARIOUS.
*Scooting across the floor with one leg constantly in the "sitting" position rather than crawling like a regular baby...  :)
*When you're done eating, you scrunch up your face real tight and shake your head.  Your little button nose scrunches up and your lips pucker out so far.  It's adorable (I'll catch a picture soon)!

Life is never boring with you around, especially with the stage you're in, and the stage you're entering will be even more exciting (and tiring)!  You have a radar to play with things that are choking hazards or electric, and you're starting to realize that "No!" is not a game, but you continue to think it's funny when I say it.  You're very sweet and affectionate and sensitive, but you're tough when it comes to bumps and bruises- you're littered with battle wounds from crawling/cruising/walking, but that doesn't stop you!  You just have a confused look on your face for about 2 seconds, then you just flip over, get up and keep going.  That's my strong little woman.  I can't wait to see the big things that are in store for you.  You're going to continue to amaze me every day for the rest of my life.

I love you!
Mom